The Box

It’s what I sat in until this past Monday.  Until I knew that it was okay to stand.  Until I knew it was the right moment…Until I heard…”Now.” 

Then I messaged someone I have a great deal of respect for and asked how I set up a blog and here I am. 

I digress….we were talking about the box, weren’t we?

How did I find myself in said box? 

*smile*  Choices. 

Mine or someone elses.  Direct or indirect circumstances.  Forced, coerced, willingly or not.  I was there.  And my choices kept me there.  You know the ones…the ones that said I was better off this way.  The ones that told me, when I was single, that a successful relationship was for “others” but not me.  The ones that kept me unhealthy emotionally, physically and longing for a God to “fix it”.  It seems He had other plans rather than to “quick fix” me.  See…I am becoming…I am in process…I am a work in progress…and I needed to “get” that deep within myself.  See…an inner need for self perfection kept me there too.  Why progress when the “now” I see doesn’t allow for the “perfect” I expect from myself?  I CHOSE to do nothing because I couldn’t have “perfection” immediately.  I didn’t want to do the work even if it was my choices that got me here.  I could blame-shift…oh yes…I could tell you that “because so and so hurt me”….or so and so…or so and so….*smile*  “So and so” and I were the best of friends.  We’ve since broken up. 

What was my epiphany?  What was the “moment” I woke up?  What was my moment of freedom from my box?  Great questions…I don’t have an answer.  Some of you that know me well may remember a time or a place where I began moving once again in the right direction…some may remember an occasion or something along those lines…Some of those in the past 12 weeks will remember one Thursday night when I relayed the story of my box to them and the realization that the gate was lifted.  I just dont know the time between when the gate lifted and when I realized it wasnt there anymore.  Needless to say, I’m just glad its gone.  And I’m standing.

What did the box look like?  How do I know it was a box?  He told/showed me.  I asked “Where am I?”  On the outside, I was a woman who loved God, her husband, her family, her church and her job.  I still do.  On the outside she’s strong and willing, teachable and a servant at heart.  She is a woman who wants to change the world for Christ.  She is a woman who wants to tell at least 100,000 women that God loves them…if even one at a time.  She wants to write, speak, love, learn and listen.  She just didn’t know exactly where she was at the moment.  Now she knows.

What was his answer?  Let me describe to you what I saw…

I was in a POW Camp.  Sitting in a wooden box with iron bars on one side.  It was a  box on top of a hill overlooking a valley that was green and lush…and full of every good thing that God had for me.  Through these iron bars I could see and hear each one…beckoning me….but it wasn’t enough.  As time went on…as I spent time with God…I started to heal and the bars began to lift.  When I got married and learned and grew with my husband, the bars lifted so more.  At the times when I earnestly sought HIS face, the bars lifted even more.  And then they were gone.  The bars, that is.  One day, a few Thursdays ago, thats when it happened.  I was still in the box.  And it was okay to sit awhile.  Free.  He said “Be still and know that I am God.”  Well, being free and being still are totally different animals, let me tell you!!!  You see, Im not still very often…with life, teenagers, a busy schedule, etc…who has TIME to be still?  Really, God?  I know you said it but…REALLY?!?!  “Yes, really.”  So I sat for awhile.  And He enveloped me.  Healed me…and continues to do so. 

So there you have it.  The moment of “Now”.  The Box that was my home for so many years.  The box that I no longer sit in…that no longer holds my past, my present or my future.  I’ve surrendered those things and in doing so, gave the bars of my bondage the final lift they needed for me to realize true freedom. 

I pray that as we walk together that you will begin to or have a greater understanding of where you are, who you are and the plans He has for you.  I pray that the irons that have held you back will no more be a hinderance for you to see the valley of every good and perfect thing He has for you.  May you know the smell, taste and joy of sweet freedom in and through Him.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

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6 thoughts on “The Box

  1. Brenda, this is a very cool post. It reminds me of a “vision” the Lord showed me of a room of exquisite wrapped gifts. There were many women in the room oohing and awwing at the beautiful gifts. The Lord picked up the gifts one by one, and began giving them to the women. Most women looked at the gift they held but didn’t open it. They were so enthralled with the outer wrapping, that they didn’t realize there was an even greater treasure inside the box. Was it fear that held them back from opening the boxes? Or was it something else? They didn’t need to settle for just the box – lovely as it was – the greater gift was inside – just as our inner beauty shines through. Thank you for sharing your gift! for being courageous to open up the wrapping so we can benefit from your gift and be blessed!

  2. Brenda – you write so beautifully and it all makes sense – thanks for including me and I am going to enjoy this journey we are on and hopefully grow along side you!

  3. Very insightful and deep. Love it. You are going to find that writing is sooooooooo healing!!! We all have a “box” by the way – the longer I live the more I’m convinced of it. Our journey is in getting the strength and courage to leave that “box” – either that others have imposed on us – or that we have given to ourselves. My journey has been one of learning that no matter what has been said or done to me – that my heart be kept right – and that while I’m working on freeing myself from my self imposed chains – that I give everyone that has wronged me – forgiveness – and learn to forgive myself.

  4. Amen, Sister. I’m so glad that you included me in on this! I can picture you speaking the words that you are writing and I love it. Keep going and know that I am following right with you on this journey!

  5. “to you in the corner (box) i’ve got something to say/you have never been alone/no, not even a day/and i know that you feel all hope is gone away/lost and forgotten/innocence taken away/but it won’t always be this way/soon you’ll awaken to a new day/and you’ll be whole/and you’ll be whole at last/say goodbye to brokenness/and emptiness/and helplessness/and everything that stands against your destiny/for beauty and grace/to the one in the valley who can’t feel me now/to the one in the valley, ‘can you hear me now’/cause it won’t always feel this way/soon you’ll awaken to a new day/and you’ll be whole/whole at last.” – lindsey kane.

    made me think of you. i love you.

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