Can it stop? Please? Make it stop, God!! Make the hurt go away! These and more were all my cries in the midst of the last year. The hurt, the brokenness, the death, the sorrow….it was overwhelming and it JUST KEPT COMING. How much can one woman take, God? I know you say you wont give us more than we can handle, BUT I DONT WANT TO KNOW how strong I am!!!
He quietly stood by while I screamed at Him about not understanding…and then said, “I love you.”
Huh? No answers…except for THE answer. He is the God that heals…in the envelopment of His love. He took me, sat me down and held me…and healed me. He bottled my tears, he took the rawness and transparency of a woman who had faith and KNEW where her help comes from while she didn’t understand why it had to happen. Why it all had to happen. Why her friends and family members had to die. Why one of the most precious souls were taken from her family. Taken from me. Why the personal challenges with my health? I thought I was getting better, God. Why can’t you just heal me….and then He did. Not physically but emotionally and He gave me a new lens. He gave me HIS perspective….of myself and others. It’s changed my life…and how I do life.
No matter where I sit today…in my grief and sickness….I AM HIS MASTERPIECE.
No matter where I lack understanding….about anything….His ways are higher than mine.
No matter where or how much I feel inadequate…He is the one that defines me.
No matter how much I am challenged to love every piece of myself….He loves me as I am…His creation.
No matter how much I don’t understand the loss of a child…He says, “I understand, I gave my Son.”
And His balm of peace covers my broken heart. He softly whispers…”Be still, and know that I am God.”
He assures me that whatever my day, week, month or year looks like…He will never leave me or forsake me. He assures me that the Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. He says I am the apple of His eye and no part of the concerns of my heart are too big for a God that promises to perfect that which concerns me.
And He offers the same for you…for your aching, tired and broken heart and spirit. He hears you and has heard you….every cry, every inaudible sound of grief and every bit of your lack of understanding. And He wants nothing more than to envelope you in His arms of love and say “Be still, and know that I am God.”
While I still don’t have the understanding of the “why”, I do have the understanding that His ways are higher…and that is enough for me. *smile* Until the next time I don’t understand something…and we walk through this again. He doesn’t mind the amount of times we bring our concerns and burdens to Him…just as long as we bring them and leave them with Him.
Things are settling down for us a bit…my heart is healing and my lens of the details has expanded to see and love as He does more clearly. If that be the only benefit of all these things…its enough for me to know He has taken my broken year…and is still the God who heals.
He’s never let me down, friends…and I promise He wont let you down either.
I’m praying for you, keep sweeping.